Divorce Is Not Meant To Be Painless - But It Can Be Peaceful
Couples often envision divorce to be either an all-out-war like in the movie "War of the Roses" or a walk-in-the-park. They come to the process of mediation often thinking that it can't work or be peaceful because there is no way they will be able to calmly discuss all of the issue and come to an amicable agreement.
As an attorney with 25+ years of experience helping clients to resolve disputes, I know that there is a different between a painless process and a peaceful process. I don't sugar-coat the experience for my clients. It could be challenging. It may be difficult. It often is emotional. It sometimes is painful. However, I focus 100% of my energy from the beginning of the process to the end on ensuring your experience will be Peaceful.
I always begin my mediation sessions by talking about emotions. In addition to being an attorney and mediator, I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Understanding how emotions will play into the negotiation and mediation process is vital to its ultimate success. However, while we never process emotions during divorce mediation, it is important to recognize that spouses will feel a wide-range of emotions during the mediation and divorce process. I honor those emotions.
Emotions can be, and often are, painful, Divorce means the end of a relationship and marriage. It means that the one-time goals of the couple to live a long, happy and satisfying life together is over. That is a real, but stark, reality. No couple ever sits before me and says “we got married and knew we would get divorced” or “we are so excited to be sitting here today talking about divorce.” Couples with minor children worry about their well-being and how they will navigate life’s new challenges. These unknowns result in varying degrees of frustration and confusion. This can be scary and anxiety-provoking.
Let’s get real. You will likely feel some level of pain during this process. Based upon my experience and training, it is inevitable. However, that does not mean you will need to suffer during the process.
Be Mindful That Focusing On Peace Can Lessen The Pain!
Couples choose to work with me as their mediator with the goal of obtaining a PeacefulSplit® divorce. They both want to lower stress and benefit themselves and their children. I focus on creating a relaxed and informal setting in which the focus is on conflict resolution – not conflict-creation or exacerbation.
During the process of a PeacefulSplit® Divorce Mediation, although each spouse is focused on their own needs and wants, I gently guide them towards expanding their mindset to focus on achieving those same goals while simultaneously thinking about what is fair, reasonable and equitable. This shift begins the experience of changing the common dynamic of WIN-LOSE and ME-YOU to WIN-WIN and FAIR-REASONABLE. It is amazing to watch the stress and anxiety on the faces of spouses melt-away once they accept this shift in mindset.
Be Mindful That You Control The Experience!